Ponder.

I set down on my piano,look right down on my fingers. It then started playing… one key at a time.
The night was a miserable one, i doesnt noe why.
Pressed one down…. another one…. and another one… Slow.
yet thoughts ran fast in my mind; like the Bumblebee.

I turned in to bed; staring blankly at e ceiling.
And there i realised theres many things i simply got to bear alone.
Parents; they do care. But e moment i thought of all the problems and worries they alrdy had, my heart twitched a bit.

No, i told myself. Not them.. i can’t.
At that split second, i pictured the image of me hugging my parents, crying so hard that i can hardly breathe..
I felt … extremely…sad & miserable.

But again, its impossible tt i could break down right in front of them..
I am independent and perhaps mature in their mind, I’ll be too childish to do that. And i realised i never had a heart to heart talk with any of them.. perhaps only issues abt sch, life, frens, etc. Nothing really that personal..
A barrier then exist. Is it becos we are all grown up and we can no longer act like a child crying when they are upset and laugh loudly when they are happy?

I duno.

All these complications… Is it common?

I wanna laugh with them; not pouring all my sorrows and make them worry while i cry my hearts out.

But i wanna be myself.

What is myself?

I ponder.

Don’t give up on me.

Overwhelming emotions ; Some frustration, some disgust, some unhappiness.. much more, i duno wad are those.
Negativity is taking over me.

Help.

I am lost for words.

TO MYSELF:

Since when uve became such a vulnerable dumb? You always take wadeva tt comes bravely. Where are YOU now? WHERE. WHY have you became like this? You noe all you need to do is to plan things out.. Plan.
But wheres all yr planning? Somewhere here and there in yr mind.. you never get it done. You noe your priorities, but why are you not taking any actions? WHY. Where have all yr motivation gone to? to the drain?

——-

One part of me scolded myself, another part of me defended myself.
And the defending party lost becos ive gt no more reasons.. no reasons not to do it.

In e end wads the answer to all the Whys?
I just got to figure it out. Because im the complicated person that is making my life complicated.

& I finally realised that I Suck.

Rewarding =)

I swear i had a fruitful and rewarding day today! =)

Firstly, i wasnt late for Blaw class today despite the rain and infact the tutor was late ;p Kay set studies aside. I rushed to interview @ Haagen Dazs Siglap aftr tutorial.. I really gotta thanks my aunt for fetching me if not i doubt i’ll be on time! The manager asked questions and some i really did not expect. so its kinda like, impromptu thingy. But, i am so glad i was giving ‘training’ since young and is somewhat familiar with customer service and businesses.. so yeah, the whole process was really a great experience esp when you noe u’ve impressed someone of such high rank and he’s a stranger. It gaves me a huge sense of satisfaction and assurance of my capabilities (as for now).

But i tink im dropping Haagen Dazs job opportunity because im in for Marvelous Cream! And their working environment is sth tt i wanted… You noe, learn new things n skills esp about FOOD (ice cream and parfait in this case) and you get to like… DO IT. =) I like it this way. I dont mind how much is the pay as long as i get to learn new stuff. And i find their environment really warm and happy! Black cap, uniform, apron.. mans, i love that too.  Really looking forward to my new job! =) And im glad ive got the support of my dear parents I can tell they are happy for me. Gain more experience… beautify my portfolio in a way~ And i’ve never been so thankful to my mum for training me since young in the business.. Its really a bonus plus bonus to my portfolio and a huge impact to my personality, self confidence and performance..

ANW, another piece of good news. I managed to get into the final interview for Ambass.. that is one of a hundred among all 600 applicants. Rewarding i shld say.. I will definitely do my best for the next round. Hopefully i wont let myself and anyone down! Next interview on this thurs… gawd.

So i shld sum up that this wk is full of interviews? like 3 in one wk.  >< But its really some experience is really worth the time be it a success or not.

I had quite a number of commitments in Poly and now, work. Even though im not really sure if i can handle them equally well, i’ll definitely put in my best effort in all.

Now its really time the live life MYSELF; utilising my freedom wisely and improve myself at the same time. A new phase of life im embarking on.. And i can say its not easy. Putting it in a hard way, i wanted to try how tough it is… (i must be crazy u may think), but i’ll never get to experience the real taste of ‘ tough’ if i’ve never tried.

Whats my motivation to move on?
After years, i’ve found out that the answer is Me, myself. Its all from within..
Family, friends are all elements of my motivation and the KEY is ME.

Reach out beyond yourself.. Theres only limit if you tink it exist.
Im gonna test it out starting from today.

Its all in the mind =)

You’ll Never Know

Caught this awesome movie with Crystal today.

Really, it simply depicts the reality. not like any other romantic/comedy movies… this is very real.
and this made me realised even death of a stranger makes your heart twitched; what more family.
you’ll never know what is it like the next second..
Like, someone you see healthy, alive and kicking is dead the next moment. I can’t imagine that; never.

Okay back to MY REALITY.

I have been on job hunt these days. and i applied for a few today =) Job interview at Haagen Dazs, hopefully it’ll be a success. I want to do sth related to food / sports or music and perhaps i can learn sth out of it!

Back to my Blaw tutorial hw… gosh, i have been slacking i have no idea why.
ah, and ambass interview results will be out tmr ><wadeva it is, i did tried my best.
this year cant, nxt year it’ll be =)

I am feeling pretty lethargic (mentally) i duno why. But aftr reading so many blogs of my poly frens, i realised im not the only one feeling this way. So guys, Gambatteh!! I know we can cope well

Loves.